What worked

(1/2) Curiosity

Creates a huge curiosity gap by presenting two juxtaposing images at the very start:

Spawning in a quiet server for the first time vs being trapped in the Nether (c.f. Hell).

AND we’re told that this descent happened in only 15 minutes.

You wanna aim to get your audience to say “wait, but how?!” during the hook, as this creator does.

(2/2) A-Roll

During any voiceover, we see footage of his in-game character looking to camera.

It creates the impression that his character is talking directly to us, recounting the story of the adventure he’s been on.

This is a quirky way of keeping the video visually interesting during what basically amounts to A-Roll.

What to improve

(1/2) Stakes

Try to be specific about what’s at stake.

Could we have highlighted the most valuable item that was about to be lost every time the creator died?

At a glance, it just looked like he was going to lose some wooden items (i.e. not super valuable in this game).

But Minecraft players would instantly resonate with the stomach-twisting urgency of racing to recover a super valuable item that’s about to despawn.

Without this, a lack of tension underpinned the video. It felt like it would have been just as easy to stop going back to the Nether and putting himself through hardship.